When you follow a teacher or a teaching, you will, eventually, encounter limitation. If, rather, you learn to follow your own voice, you will find Source and Limitlessness.
Part Three: You are not your Circumstances
You may recall that our objective here is to affect a shift from the subjective to the objective life experience. To shift from being subject to circumstance, emotion, and our thoughts, to having these things, and their source, becomes the object of our alert observation. This shift, as we will see, not only frees us from our status as subject, but, also, informs us as to whom we really are. It allows us to step outside of the seeming urgency of the I into the peace and wisdom of the I Am.
In part one; our preparation consisted of allowing for possibility, and choosing to participate in some simple exercises. In part two; we examined how our lives are spent in a search for "otherness". We also began to see how that very otherness we seek is an abstraction, one that can drown and define us.
In this drive for "otherness", some of us set our attention to circumstances. We believe that if we can change the world around us, we can affect our experience of it. For instance, one might say, "I am unhappy and feel powerless because I have a bad job, that pays poorly, and where the boss is a jerk". "I do not want to feel unhappy and powerless. Therefore, I will go back to school, study hard, and get a great job, with a great boss, that pays a lot, and then I can feel happy and powerful." In short, "Someday, I can have a more tolerable life experience if I can change the circumstances that I am subject to".
Single? Get married. Married? Find someone else. Poor? Get rich. Rich? Get richer. Bored? Get busy. Busy? Take a vacation. Working? Wait for retirement. Retired? Find something to do.
Not all of us, of course, are the "roll up your sleeves into action change your circumstances types". Some of us attempt to subvert the perceived "suchness" of what we believe to be our circumstantially dictated life experience by temporarily subjecting ourselves to other, more powerful, experiences. We may mood alter through booze, drugs, sex, eating, shoplifting, gossiping, running, television, daydreaming, or medications. In this way, the weekend warrior, the thrill seeker, the martini mom, or the rampaging Romeo, create a temporary alternative to their circumstantially dictated "life".
Others still, are so utterly ill at ease with their perceived subjugation to circumstance; they become dependent on those things some of us use to just get a time-out. Their disease with their subjective status is such that they find new and more powerful things to be subject to. They become alcoholics, drug addicts, religious fanatics, or a thousand other flavours of exchanging one master for another. An old expression that contains this idea goes like, "If you had my wife/husband you'd drink too!"
For most of us, circumstances, as we identify them, are not just a collection of present "facts". Our circumstances can be our past too, as in, "if only I'd gotten more love and recognition". In the same way different people will affirm their subject hood to perceived present circumstance, people react to their belief in past circumstance differently as well. The into action types might go back, and heal their "inner child". Many will affirm the power of these past circumstances by forgetting or avoiding things and contacts that might remind them. Some will drink to "handle the pain", and others will just go crazy.
Whichever approach we choose to deal with our belief in being subject to circumstance, some consequences are the same. Firstly, by identifying our circumstances as the source of our dissatisfaction, we affirm that we are subject to them. Our circumstances have the power to dictate our life experience to us. We are subject to circumstance. That is our belief. The way we understand, and thus create, our experience of life. Secondly, note that we set our hope, our happiness, in some future time, in a conceptual abstract-a future that may or may not come, and if it does, will bring circumstances of its own. Finally, whatever else we may note, when we believe that we are subject to circumstances, we are not merely affected by this circumstance or that. We are utterly dependant on circumstances in general, not only to explain our unhappiness, but for the possibility of a future happiness. We are completely subject to circumstance.
I once had occasion to know a person who has a certain prominence as an anti-poverty activist. She was, and continues to be; a tireless voice for some of society's most marginalized and forgotten members. She was also a committed believer in Marxist theory. Her world was an exceedingly simple place. The poor were hapless victims of circumstances foisted upon them by people who had money. They would remain subject to these circumstances until the entire planet's economic system was overturned, and a new one imposed-one laid out in the works of Marx. As committed as she was, she was also deeply unhappy.
One day we were walking in my neighbourhood. I live near the shore in an area that is as prosperous as it is vital and beautiful. As in any large city with waterfront properties, many of its homes are expensive. As we walked, my companion became increasingly upset, and her language became angrier and angrier. To her, everyone who lived in these homes, and by extension my neighbourhood, were guilty of heinous crimes. I tried to draw her attention to the natural beauty of the shoreline, the mountains, the ocean, the warmth of the sun, to the happiness to be had in the moment. But she could not be happy. She said that she could never be happy while there were exploiters and their victims. Eventually, she became so agitated and angry we abandoned our walk.
In this individual's mind, there could be no possibility of personal happiness until circumstances were radically different. In her case, this meant that the entire world would have to change, before she could find her ease. In short, she was so entrenched in her belief regarding the power of circumstances that she could never be happy until everything and everyone on the planet changed. An unlikely scenario to be sure! Surely, she was trapped in a belief that circumstances dictated her life experience and happiness. She was completely subject to circumstance.
Exercise:
Consider for a moment what circumstances need to change for you to experience your happiness. How much of your hopes and life energy are expended in this wishing. How much are you subject to circumstance?
Until now, we have seen how our attention to, and belief in, the ability of circumstance to create our life experience grabs our attention, turns our life into an abstract that may, or may not happen (an imaginary life), and acts as an explanation, false though it may be, for our experienced state of being. Like an illusionists trick, it misdirects our focus, thereby, making the unreal seem real.
Our attention to circumstance can, and often does, have a far more devastating and sinister effect-it poses as us. Circumstance becomes our understanding of who we are. It exerts the ultimate subjugation of the person by convincing us we are it. Circumstance becomes our identity.
How many of our self-descriptive phrases, especially in the English language, begin (ever so ironically), with I am... I am sick. I am an athlete. I am a loser. I am a winner. I am a husband. I am a son. I am black. I am white. I am a Jew. I am a Moslem. I am a cripple. I am a body builder. I am a cancer patient. I am a doctor. I am ugly. I am good looking. I am stupid. I am smart. Circumstance, whether through happenstance of birth, dint of luck, or self-reinforcing manifestation of our internal confusion, becomes who I am. In this way, circumstance, whether we judge it good or bad, becomes, not merely something that happens to us, but the very thing it happens to! It becomes who we believe we are. A person may be made a slave, but they still have the potential for their freedom. A person who believes they are a slave is forever bound.
I tell you most solemnly that you are not your circumstances. There is a "you" that experiences these circumstances, may be subject to them, may be lost in them, may even believe that it is them, but there is a "you", eternal, extant, expressible, beneath the roiling and ever changing seas of circumstance. You are not your circumstance. Circumstances change, but you remain-the Perceiver.
As we proceed you will have opportunities to begin to experience yourself not as circumstances, nor even as being subject to them, but rather as an impartial observer of them. Amazingly, this very act, the act of detachment, of becoming the observer, will begin to provide a space for your true and eternal nature to begin to make itself heard above the deafening roar of those millions of things that insist they are so crucial to who you are and your experience of that. You are the object of this noise. There is a you that is being confused, misdirected, and hurled into a pointless and imagined life. Everywhere you look; everything you hear, tells you to change your circumstance, and tells you this is the path to a better, more bearable, life. I tell you that a slave, who has three meals a day and a warm fire, is still a slave. I speak to you of a you who is not a subject to circumstance. Not a slave, but free. You are not your circumstances!
Before we continue this discussion to explore the false identities of thoughts, and, their energy manifestations, emotions, it may be helpful to try two exercises to finish our exploration of circumstance. In the first, you will begin to see, within yourself, how deeply you have become identified with circumstance. In the second, you will take a moment to experience yourself apart from them.
Exercise:
For the purposes of this exercise, you will need a small notebook, or journal, to record your observations. You may wish to return to them, as your journey and understanding progresses. If you already keep a journal, a practice I would recommend, any written exercises, suggested here, can be incorporated into your journaling practice.
Take a moment to re-read the section entitled "Circumstance". This time, as you read, rather than reading it as a theoretical abstract, or idea, allow it to act as a living light to illuminate where you may be lost or subject.
Who are you? See how your answers reflect your belief in circumstance as the determinant of who you believe you are. List those things that are outside of you, but that have been allowed to define you. List as many as you can. Gender, race, social circumstance, beliefs, job, relationship status, and wealth, or lack of it, religion, "success", and "failure", may be just a few of the things you may wish to consider. Leave some space, as you may wish to return to this exercise as more examples come to mind. (Note: It is my experience that in the world of coming to "truth", nothing is ever, truly, complete or finished. As our awareness opens, we begin to see in ever deepening "circles of truth", moving toward a place where we finally rest in the awe of mystery. "Truth", as we may use the term, may be otherwise considered as a light to illuminate our present state of understanding. This state changes and deepens, as does the tool of "truth" that applies. As such, allow yourself to pay attention to the "truth" of this moment, allowing for other understandings to follow.)
Next, imagine, for a time, that those things, on your list, were other than they are. Returning to your list, place something different beside each of the things you have identified. For instance, if you have listed the circumstance of your gender as defining, write down another gender. Beside each of the circumstances that you have listed as identifying you, list one of a similar quality that is different. Allow your imagination to be involved. The things you choose do not need a quality of desirable or undesirable, just different.
When you have completed these two lists, take some time to consider them. Turning your attention to the first list, consider how much of your identity is defined by circumstance. Consider, as fully as you can, how a "you" has been constructed from things that might so easily have been different. Where is the real "you"? Now look at the second list you made. Take a moment to imagine what "you" would be like if those circumstances were yours. Feel what "you" would be like. Note, how circumstances are so defining of what you belief to be a "you".
Finally, in this exercise, consider that all the things that you wrote as defining you were different. You were born in a different time, with different beliefs, in a different body, in different circumstances. Would there be a "you" that would remain? In other words, consider this question-Is there a "you" that exists beyond circumstance? Can you sense what that might be, or feel like? After taking everything out that is not by any lasting standard you, is there anything that remains, that is not constructed by variables or happenstance beyond your control? Who is the "you" that perceives all these things?
Exercise:
Referring to the instructions for a simple meditation found in part two, bring yourself to a place of quiet and centeredness. When all else is cleared away, bring this question into the space that has been created: If I am not my circumstances, who am I? Practice not engaging your mind around this question. It is of no use. I promise you that, for our purposes, it is of no use. Rather, allow that question to just "be" within the space you have created. Just sit and breathe. Take note of any sensations you may have. When you are finished, write anything that was not a thought down.
Return to this exercise regularly. You are developing a new type of listening. Everything you need to know can be found here, in time. Let your own experience be the proof of this claim.
You are not your circumstance. Who are you? Awakening is not a product of the absence of what is not true, rather, it is the arising of what is, unencumbered by our attachment to the false. Who are you?
In our next section, we will explore our identification with, and how we are subject to our thoughts.
Until we meet, in these words and space again, may your every breath be Peace.
